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i do not want to keep feeling sad or down for losing one of the most important person in my life as it is affecting me real bad...i cant seem to b concentrating in classes even when im suppose to..i promise him that i will study my arse off to come back with that cert and show it to him..i may look ok from the outside but the inside of me really hits me so hard that it takes me so long for me to stand back on the ground..y sad things must happen to me..is it because ive done something bad bfor and since god still has mercy for me so he hits it on someone dat i love n care so much???..for da past few days i tried so hard to keep myself busy but the thing jus keep coming to me..i blame myself for da cause of his death..i should jus give dat basket da money instead of him asking from dad..he jus loves taking advantage on dad when dad is not feeling well..i hate him for doing dat..he sacrifices so much for us..he rather stay in indonesia and work hard jus to see a smile on each of our faces;dat cute lil smile dat he alwyas gets after he gets back from work when we were still a lil gal..i miss his smile so much. i wan him so badly..dad always ask us to b greatful for everything dat we hav now..i guess im not grateful enuf..i know its imposibble to see him again..but his memories with all of us willl b kept in my heart; the way he smiles, the way he walks, wat he usualy brings when we go for outing; a packet of tissues, his ipod and a bottle of water..i jus hate da feeling now...a family consists of dad mum and da siblings.. and i guess things r diff now.. n it wun b perfect anymore..cuz it seems dat everything that we r about to do in da mere future will b diff..we will smile when we r happy but sad at da same time as he cant b doing it with us..ders so many places dat he wanted to go somemore..omg..my teras r falling now..i dunno how long will this affect me but i hope at da same time he will b der for me emotionally tru da hard times..love u di....so so much....=)