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i have come to a point where i cuden stand being sad anymore..im so tired u know..i really wanna rest..exam went ok..thank god for dat..what worries me most now is my bro..tho he is a very noti boi but still he is my bro..he was admitted to the hospital and till now doc is still not sure what is wrong with him..

i do not want to keep feeling sad or down for losing one of the most important person in my life as it is affecting me real bad...i promise him that i will study my arse off to come back with that cert and show it to him..i may look ok from the outside but the inside of me really hits me so hard that it takes me so long for me to stand back on the ground..y sad things must happen to me..is it because ive done something bad bfor and since god still has mercy for me so he hits it on someone dat i love n care so much???..i tried so hard to keep myself busy like watching some movies on foxtel.i jus watched alvin and the chipmonk and mama mia btw..=).. but the thing jus keep coming to me..dad sacrifices so much for us..he rather stay in indonesia and work hard jus to see a smile on each of our faces;dat cute lil smile dat he alwyas gets after he gets back from work when we were still a lil gal..i miss his smile so much. i wan him so badly..i know its imposibble to see him again..but his memories with all of us willl b kept in my heart; the way he smiles, the way he walks, wat he usualy brings when we go for outing; a packet of tissues, his ipod and a bottle of water..i jus hate da feeling now..i guess things r diff now.. n it wun b perfect anymore..cuz it seems dat everything that we r about to do in da mere future will b diff..we will smile when we r happy but sad at da same time as he cant experience doing it with us.. having to live the way things r now is gonna b tough..real tough..

omg..my head is spinning..i cant type much..im gonna rest now..
once again..happy fathers day..=)

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