='(....

pliz help and guide me to have the courage to stand back to move forward as there is a life ahead of me..im so down now..i wake up with a sad feeling every morning..i do not know wat else to do..i missed him so much..i still cant accept da fact dat this is how our life is gonna b without him..every morning i tell myself dat i must b happy but towards d end of the day i still feel sad..=((

i woke up very early today..around 9 plus..he was da first thing dat crossed my mind when i woke up..=((..i force myself to sleep back till 12..my head is so pain now..i dunno how to not think dat he has gone..=(..bsides i miss my family so so much..i damm emo la..i dunno wat else to blog now bsides blogging bout how depress i am right now..

.

spot the diff...

this was taken bfor we got together...

this is now...hahaa

....

haha..anyways..gotta go..=(

='(

sometimes thing r easier said den done...
ppl come telling me dat to b strong and tough and show him dat i can b happy even when he is not around..i do appreciate wat they told me ..but it seems hard for me to try to do it..im a very stubborn gal..i sometimes want things my way..eh...most of the times..haha..i wonder how bi can able to stand me..but i do give in sometimes k...=p..

so anyways..having to live d way things r now is gonna b tough..where ever i go..ill think of him...yea..of cuz u cant jus forget bout him but when u come to think back of the things dat we did together last time..it really makes me sad..things r really diff now tho i kept telling my self dat things will come back to normal and perharps i shall jus assume dat he is till in Indonesia working der...=P..mum and sis r now at Indonesia..settling dad's stuff there..haih...its really sad seeing my mummy cried dat day..we lost a dad;someone who we can count on when we need advices and all; but mum, she lost her life time partner..i tried to b strong when i was back in Malaysia, trying not to cry in front of my mum cuz i know she will b even more sad as she has no one to go holidays with, no one to talk to her on da bed bfor she sleeps, no one to go walk walk with when the kids r not at home..=(..

seriously i dunno how long im gonna post bout this la..im sorry guys..i jus need to let it out cuz i wil feel less sad and fell better..i rather post it out here den talking to da toilet bowl and flush it all out kan??...

-cHing mEi-

..

hey..m not in da mood to blog today..a lot of stuffs r going on my mind and i cant seem to get it out fom my head..gonna sleep now eventhough i jus woke up only...night..

..

i do not want to keep feeling sad or down for losing one of the most important person in my life as it is affecting me real bad...i cant seem to b concentrating in classes even when im suppose to..i promise him that i will study my arse off to come back with that cert and show it to him..i may look ok from the outside but the inside of me really hits me so hard that it takes me so long for me to stand back on the ground..y sad things must happen to me..is it because ive done something bad bfor and since god still has mercy for me so he hits it on someone dat i love n care so much???..for da past few days i tried so hard to keep myself busy but the thing jus keep coming to me..i blame myself for da cause of his death..i should jus give dat basket da money instead of him asking from dad..he jus loves taking advantage on dad when dad is not feeling well..i hate him for doing dat..he sacrifices so much for us..he rather stay in indonesia and work hard jus to see a smile on each of our faces;dat cute lil smile dat he alwyas gets after he gets back from work when we were still a lil gal..i miss his smile so much. i wan him so badly..dad always ask us to b greatful for everything dat we hav now..i guess im not grateful enuf..i know its imposibble to see him again..but his memories with all of us willl b kept in my heart; the way he smiles, the way he walks, wat he usualy brings when we go for outing; a packet of tissues, his ipod and a bottle of water..i jus hate da feeling now...a family consists of dad mum and da siblings.. and i guess things r diff now.. n it wun b perfect anymore..cuz it seems dat everything that we r about to do in da mere future will b diff..we will smile when we r happy but sad at da same time as he cant b doing it with us..ders so many places dat he wanted to go somemore..omg..my teras r falling now..i dunno how long will this affect me but i hope at da same time he will b der for me emotionally tru da hard times..love u di....so so much....=)

OMG

OMG>>

im so blur!!!

i dont understand wat is he talking about!!
im now at LAB for finance analysis class..i dont understand la when it comes to excelllll!!!1
haiyo...
im so blur..first classs is so important wei....omg...

=(((

...

i cant afford to let u go..